Work Sucked! Who knew that waiting for me when I got home was an invitation to have dinner with my parents and brother. It was a great dinner - steak, potatoes and corn on the cob. There was even great discussion during the whole thing. Who knew that after dinner we would all find ourselves playing bid euchre - there was so much laughter. It may be bad most of the time, but I am thankful for this one night I was given. It is a night like this that gives me a bit of ease.
A night like this won't change how I feel though - fear. It won't convince me that everything will be fine; I'm not so sure it will. I have been fighting the past few months to go see this christian councellor. I at first thought, out of everyone if my family, I am one of the last people that require a councellor. Maybe that was pure stubborness. The past few days, I feel so inadequate. I feel like I am not good enough as a person - not smart enough, not pretty enough (I know sounds lame), not enjoyable to be around - as well as I feel like I am not good enough as a christian, no matter how hard I try. And one of the hardest things to admit and face, someone I care about so much, makes me feel even more inadequate as a person when I am with him or talk to him, but at the same time, this person is special in my life just because of who he is and what he represents in my life. He does say stuff that makes me feel really special, and comments traits that he seems to find are rare - and he can be such a great encouragement - but then things are said that make me feel like im not good enough as a person and christian - basically makes me question myself. It can get real upsetting - bottom line - I think a councellor would be great just because they will be neutral, a christian and I can just let out how I feel - it could be a real encouragement. I just know I can't let this all build up - everything that has been going on for the last two years.
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2 comments:
Sarah, this is comming from a friend who cares. you can delete this if you wish, but honestly, you have no right to say that you are (taken right from your blog) feel so inadequate. you feel like your not good enough as a person - not smart enough, not pretty enough, not enjoyable to be around - Honestly, you are the only person besides roxanna that i FEEL comfortable around. the part that you said that you are not good enough as a christian, hunn, i am not as strong as you are in your faith. i have neen doubting my faith and my life. i know its been tough for you. just keep trusting in God. and being open.
I love you lots Sarah. and i will be constantly praying for you. You can delet this. i just wanted to let you know. all of the above
i dont knwo why she would delete it. she needs to knwo that she isnt inadequate.
i actually feel the same for a lot of the time. ive developed stress relievers myself, but it always comes back to me that i feel like im not doing enough for God. Just keep trusting Him and youll find things will get better.
a councellor will be helpful. never lose your strength and faith
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