A Little Expression

It was about three weeks ago when it happened. The family finally split. Life is like a never ending roller coaster. My emotions are constantly in an up and down motion like I have never experienced. Most times I wish it would keep at a low steady pace - but wouldn't most people - It is hard when you try your hardest to trust your parents, but it always back fires and something happens that proves that trusting them is a promise for disappointment. To feel emotionally drained by putting all your effort into actually showing that trust, because the other part of you fights so much to not trust them. What a battle. To be pulled from the middle both ways. I will let not let either side have me, so the tugging will never end. In the end of it all I do forgive them; I do know its all going to happen again, but I will keep forgiving. I am sure you can guess what pushes me to forgive, and that is because God ALWAYS forgives us.

I really believe some people take advantage of the fact that their parents are together and that they are just full of love for one another and their family. People take advantage of the "strict" rules in their household. I believe the rules are a sign of love. Rules for protection and a hold back from mistakes that the parents don't want their child to make. I hate some of the freedom I had at points in my life. Sometimes it makes me angry that they didn't stop me, as much as it was my own choice to do those things- that's when I tend to get angry at myself for not being strong enough.

I can say I have been blessed this past while in other ways though. Yes, it has been awful with my family, but as for me spiritually, it has been wonders. God has given me something great in a horrble situation - or is it a horrible situation? Maybe this is all part of His plan. I guess I won't know until the final outcome - whatever that may be. But may it be full of God's glory.



On better notes:

I got a laptop - thanks to my wonderful mother. Oh she is a confusing one. I love her to death - yet it always feels like a challenge. May God's love shine through me for her... I need the help.

I am going to start learning a bit of guitar. Maybe through lessons, maybe through my own will to learn on my own, or maybe through friends. Only time will tell.

I finally found another work place that I will be applying for in the next month. (It pays more too!!)

I went to an incredible Thai restaurant with an incredible person. How great it was just to talk. Questions were asked, questions were answered - deep conversation was in the air - a feelings were expressed. It was great - she was great. Such an encourager :)



I love you Laura ;)