Jul 30, 2008
Jul 29, 2008
Just Trust
She looks up to study the path ahead. No path has ever been more straight, no path has ever looked that smooth; she starts at a slow and unsure pace. Should one travel such a path? There is no colours to show -everything just dark and down. The path is narrow, the trees seem to tighten in. The wind whips around her; her hair being tossed around, blinding moments of her vision. The trees sway tremendously, branches slapping her in the face - shaking her from her course - she stays her course, determined to get out. Her goal is to reach the end, but fear overwhelms her. She pauses . . . to observe. . . to listen - screams off in the distance are heard - foot steps heard in every direction - then silence falls. She hesitates to continue till the earth starts to tremble and foot thumps are heard from behind. She glances over her shoulder as her shaky legs start to move; she is trembling with fear and finds herself stumbling over her own two feet. Desperation fills her - a desire to escape what was after her. Her hearts beating at an unbearable pace; her heart about to jump from her cold chest. The foot steps get louder and she can tell they are closing in. She takes a dodge forward and then falls to the ground. She cowards in a fetal position, waiting for them to take her up and take her way. This being the moment till her death. But by surprise, a light warm tap on her shoulder, a whisper in her ear by the sweetest voice that anyone will ever hear. She gets up slowly, her hands burning from the ground, her cheeks heated by the slapping branches. Everything is beautiful, everthing is calm and bright. She dauntlessly continues on the path with the whisper in her head saying trust me - the words striking at her heart. Never has she heard such a voice - never has she felt such a comfort. She knows no branch will take her down, no chase will scare her. There is light in the darkness when there is a goal to be reached when there is a voice to be heard. No times of darkness will keep her down. It is He who will lift her off the ground.
Jul 28, 2008
Waiting Patiently
I'm usually pretty impatient
Wants things to happen now
But since I know the reason
I can manage somehow.
It doesnt affect my feelings
Because I know it's for Him
Cause He is always the answer
He gets me through thick and thin.
If it could happen
I'm willing to wait and see
But if it is not His plan
Then I'll move on peacefully.
How amazing it would be if it happened
How much I would love it to
But for now I'll stand on the side
Just watching and waiting for you.
Wants things to happen now
But since I know the reason
I can manage somehow.
It doesnt affect my feelings
Because I know it's for Him
Cause He is always the answer
He gets me through thick and thin.
If it could happen
I'm willing to wait and see
But if it is not His plan
Then I'll move on peacefully.
How amazing it would be if it happened
How much I would love it to
But for now I'll stand on the side
Just watching and waiting for you.
Jul 26, 2008
Missing the internet - pathetic
So life feels good. I feel more at peace and I feel like there is less drama going on - which is great!
I had a missions trip come into oppurtunity. Come January, I could mission in Mexico till May. If it's God's will it will happen. - I have had the house to myself the last few days! Of course there has been no cable, phone or internet - stupid service has been down - I had to use someone elses computer to keep up with messages and a few blogs here and there. I miss the internet, how pathetic. Overall, things seem to be picking up. I feel like my feelings/emotions are in more control towards people. I've been reading more too; I Kings, Twilight and Harry Potter - all great reading. It kinda sucks not being able to put other time into a blog but updates, but other stuff can wait.
I had a missions trip come into oppurtunity. Come January, I could mission in Mexico till May. If it's God's will it will happen. - I have had the house to myself the last few days! Of course there has been no cable, phone or internet - stupid service has been down - I had to use someone elses computer to keep up with messages and a few blogs here and there. I miss the internet, how pathetic. Overall, things seem to be picking up. I feel like my feelings/emotions are in more control towards people. I've been reading more too; I Kings, Twilight and Harry Potter - all great reading. It kinda sucks not being able to put other time into a blog but updates, but other stuff can wait.
Jul 22, 2008
Update
Got back from camping yesterday then went straight to hang out with my friends. That was fun; don't get to see them too often. As for camping, it wasn't too bad. It didn't feel like camping as it used to be though. My uncle wasn't there, so I didn't have him to go the beach with at night to watch the stars. My brothers girlfriend also came along, so him and I didn't get to have much time together, and I couldn't really go to the beach with him alone either. I wasn't allowed to go the beach at night on my own, my grandparents didn't think it would be safe, so that kinda sucked. I did get some good sun though, and the boat rides and swimming was alot of fun.
I finished reading the third harry potter book (prisoner of azkaban) while I was camping, and right before I finished I bought another book, Twilight. I LOVED Harry Potter! It was so good, I cant wait to start the next book. As for Twilight, Edward, a character of the book, is my new fictional character crush. He just captures you.; he seems so mysteriously attractive!
Coming up in the end of August, there is this Hillsong Conference. I am really hoping to go. I think it would be absolutely amazing. The more I listen to their music, the more I come to love it. Sometimes it just captivates me. I would love to get the privledge of seeing Hillsong live. It comes down to whether my parents will let me drive because its in a busy city like 1 1/2 hours away. Guess I'll have to be patient for the answer.
I finished reading the third harry potter book (prisoner of azkaban) while I was camping, and right before I finished I bought another book, Twilight. I LOVED Harry Potter! It was so good, I cant wait to start the next book. As for Twilight, Edward, a character of the book, is my new fictional character crush. He just captures you.; he seems so mysteriously attractive!
Coming up in the end of August, there is this Hillsong Conference. I am really hoping to go. I think it would be absolutely amazing. The more I listen to their music, the more I come to love it. Sometimes it just captivates me. I would love to get the privledge of seeing Hillsong live. It comes down to whether my parents will let me drive because its in a busy city like 1 1/2 hours away. Guess I'll have to be patient for the answer.
Jul 17, 2008
I thought about you today
- I thought about you today -
About looking into your eyes:
Feelings of trust - feeling of friendship.
I thought of when you smile:
About looking into your eyes:
Feelings of trust - feeling of friendship.
I thought of when you smile:
The warmth it spreads inside.
I love to hear your voice:
I love to hear your voice:
Your stories, your thoughts - they are so great.
I just want to get to know you:
Passions, pains and thoughts
Passions, pains and thoughts
Just get a little bit closer
Know whats inside your heart.
I feel your touch:
So gentle, so sweet
I feel your touch:
So gentle, so sweet
- when you hold me, I feel content -
I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you look at me:
When you look at me:
I feel beautiful in your eyes
Sometimes though a look is given:
Am I really the best?
- It's what I want to be -
I will wait for HIS pick
And trust that:
If there is something worth waiting for
To wait brings the fate
But is there something to wait for?
I'll leave it in God's hands.
And through God, I will grow closer to you
- encourage you through HIM-
I thought about you today
- more than any other day -
Made to Worship
Chris Tomlin - Made to Worship
Before the day
Before the light
Before the world revolved around the sun
God on high
Stepped down into time
And wrote the story of His love for everyone
He has filled our hearts with wonder
So that we always remember
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see who we were meant to be
All we are
And all we have
Is all a gift from God that we receive
Brought to life
We open up our eyes
To see the majesty and glory of the King
He has filled our hearts with wonder
So that we always remember
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see who we were meant to be
And even the rocks cry out
And even the Heavens shout
At the sound of His holy name
So let every voice sing out
And let every knee bow down
He is worthy of all our praise
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free, yeah
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see, you and I will see
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free, yeah
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
Today is the day
It is currently 2: 24 in the morning on the seventeenth of July. (post dates are messed up)
Today I leave to go camping. Camping is a big part of my life. I have been doing it since I was like three. It may only be for 3 days, but it is better than nothing. It will be nice to be away from work and just to relax in the sun and eat till I explode. I didn't go last year; couldn't get the time off and a ride up there - bummer. My grandparents are always the ones there that I camp with. I'm going up there with my older brother and his girlfriend - that should be interesting. Camping is a great time to just enjoy the boat, the lake, the fires, the junkfood! I love to watch the stars! Walking down to the beach at one in the morning - Laying on picnic tables, and just absorbing God's creation, the beauty of it. Abosolutely magnificent. I hope it doesn't rain, if it does, it will still be fun, because it is time away. Actually, it won't be camping if it doesn't rain one of the days at least. Camping should be a great oppurtunity to go off on my own; I hope to clear my head.
I can't wait!
Today I leave to go camping. Camping is a big part of my life. I have been doing it since I was like three. It may only be for 3 days, but it is better than nothing. It will be nice to be away from work and just to relax in the sun and eat till I explode. I didn't go last year; couldn't get the time off and a ride up there - bummer. My grandparents are always the ones there that I camp with. I'm going up there with my older brother and his girlfriend - that should be interesting. Camping is a great time to just enjoy the boat, the lake, the fires, the junkfood! I love to watch the stars! Walking down to the beach at one in the morning - Laying on picnic tables, and just absorbing God's creation, the beauty of it. Abosolutely magnificent. I hope it doesn't rain, if it does, it will still be fun, because it is time away. Actually, it won't be camping if it doesn't rain one of the days at least. Camping should be a great oppurtunity to go off on my own; I hope to clear my head.
I can't wait!
Jul 13, 2008
For you For Him For them
For you:
After all this time, I just want to be your friend. It seems like you keep telling me these randoms to impress me. STOP! I really dont want to hear it and feel like you are trying to prove yourself. I dont need you to. I want to be your every day friend. You are a great person; you dont have to prove yourself to anyone. Maybe I am over-reacting, Im sorry, but it is how I feel.
For Him:
I'm sorry I let it get here. I'm sorry I chose to do it my way. It is never how I wanted it-yet I let it happen anyways. I dont feel good about it one bit. I'm just filled with regret. But the good thing is, I know you forgive me for it. But now, I just want to break free for you. I want to put things aside that block me from you. I want to put you first, above all the rest. I want to live for you, do things for you, speak for you. I want to become more and more like you ever single day. I know I am going to struggle, but please, help me. Bring people into my life that you want in it. Show me where to go and what to do. I want to do it for you.
For Them:
Just grow up! Stop doing what you are doing. Stop thinking what you are thinking. And stop being how you are. Stop with the foolishness, the immaturity, the lack of trust, the lack of respect and the lack of faith - both of you. Its exhausting and it just creates pain. I can say over and over again a better way to do it-I can say what needs to be said. But it doesnt matter, cause you will never learn - - - ever. You have had enough time to learn, you have had enough people to help you, but only He can help you now. But shamefully, you wont let him. It saddens me and everyone around me that knows what goes on. I cant wait to just escape from it. A burden lifted off. Sometimes, this is what holds me back-this is what makes me cry-this is what makes some of my days so much harder-this is what has slowly killed me inside. And YOU, YOU especially, you dont realize you are such a big part of this, you point fingers at everyone else and do not realize your own faults had a huge start in this whole thing. But there obviously isn't an end, because a brand new uproar always comes up. Things keep coming....But I dont want them too :( I feel like I cant take it. But It is only by Him I have gotten through this and ended up how I am, and He will keep me through it.
After all this time, I just want to be your friend. It seems like you keep telling me these randoms to impress me. STOP! I really dont want to hear it and feel like you are trying to prove yourself. I dont need you to. I want to be your every day friend. You are a great person; you dont have to prove yourself to anyone. Maybe I am over-reacting, Im sorry, but it is how I feel.
For Him:
I'm sorry I let it get here. I'm sorry I chose to do it my way. It is never how I wanted it-yet I let it happen anyways. I dont feel good about it one bit. I'm just filled with regret. But the good thing is, I know you forgive me for it. But now, I just want to break free for you. I want to put things aside that block me from you. I want to put you first, above all the rest. I want to live for you, do things for you, speak for you. I want to become more and more like you ever single day. I know I am going to struggle, but please, help me. Bring people into my life that you want in it. Show me where to go and what to do. I want to do it for you.
For Them:
Just grow up! Stop doing what you are doing. Stop thinking what you are thinking. And stop being how you are. Stop with the foolishness, the immaturity, the lack of trust, the lack of respect and the lack of faith - both of you. Its exhausting and it just creates pain. I can say over and over again a better way to do it-I can say what needs to be said. But it doesnt matter, cause you will never learn - - - ever. You have had enough time to learn, you have had enough people to help you, but only He can help you now. But shamefully, you wont let him. It saddens me and everyone around me that knows what goes on. I cant wait to just escape from it. A burden lifted off. Sometimes, this is what holds me back-this is what makes me cry-this is what makes some of my days so much harder-this is what has slowly killed me inside. And YOU, YOU especially, you dont realize you are such a big part of this, you point fingers at everyone else and do not realize your own faults had a huge start in this whole thing. But there obviously isn't an end, because a brand new uproar always comes up. Things keep coming....But I dont want them too :( I feel like I cant take it. But It is only by Him I have gotten through this and ended up how I am, and He will keep me through it.
Jul 12, 2008
A Love Hate thing
I HATE when you wake up one morning and you look like complete crap, and you know its unfixable.
I HATE when you wake up with the feeling that it is impossible for something good to happen, and that you only feel like it is going to be an awful mellow day.
I HATE when you can't control your thoughts about one person, and all you can do is think of them, and it aches.
I HATE when the person you want to trust the most, is actually the person that you can only trust the least.
I HATE that when there is a problem or something is bothering you, you can talk about it for hours straight, but feel like nothing has been let out
I HATE knowing that life will get better, but yet feeling hopeless aside from that fact.
I HATE that I make my relationship with God so much harder than it should be.
I HATE the kind of decisions I make when it comes to guys.
I HATE feeling like how I feel now.
I LOVE sitting out under the stars, and seeing His magnificent creation.
I LOVE sitting in the middle of a field at 1am, laughing at the most ridiculous things, while trying to move the clouds with absolute mind power.
I LOVE knowing that if I have faith in God, He will make things work to protect me.
I LOVE knowing that I never have to return to highschool.
I LOVE knowing that God does have someone saved for me.
I LOVE to be able to run, and have nothing hold you back.
I LOVE when everything leaves your mind, giving you a moments peace, making you feel invincible.
I LOVE how God works.
I LOVE knowing that I have people in my life I can put my trust in, who are wise and love God.
I LOVE knowing that there is a plan set for me in the future, and I dont even know it yet.
I LOVE knowing that I can make a difference.
I HATE when you wake up with the feeling that it is impossible for something good to happen, and that you only feel like it is going to be an awful mellow day.
I HATE when you can't control your thoughts about one person, and all you can do is think of them, and it aches.
I HATE when the person you want to trust the most, is actually the person that you can only trust the least.
I HATE that when there is a problem or something is bothering you, you can talk about it for hours straight, but feel like nothing has been let out
I HATE knowing that life will get better, but yet feeling hopeless aside from that fact.
I HATE that I make my relationship with God so much harder than it should be.
I HATE the kind of decisions I make when it comes to guys.
I HATE feeling like how I feel now.
I LOVE sitting out under the stars, and seeing His magnificent creation.
I LOVE sitting in the middle of a field at 1am, laughing at the most ridiculous things, while trying to move the clouds with absolute mind power.
I LOVE knowing that if I have faith in God, He will make things work to protect me.
I LOVE knowing that I never have to return to highschool.
I LOVE knowing that God does have someone saved for me.
I LOVE to be able to run, and have nothing hold you back.
I LOVE when everything leaves your mind, giving you a moments peace, making you feel invincible.
I LOVE how God works.
I LOVE knowing that I have people in my life I can put my trust in, who are wise and love God.
I LOVE knowing that there is a plan set for me in the future, and I dont even know it yet.
I LOVE knowing that I can make a difference.
Jul 10, 2008
How could you do this to me?
I feel so angry, upset, hurt, confused, and I dont know what to do with myself. How could you do this to me? You know how much it meant to me; you know how I feel. How could you go and do that without asking me, or considering my feelings? Do you have no consideration in you at all? Do you ever put our feelings before theirs? You hurt me so bad, and I dont know what I want to do with us now. This definitly isn't the first time something like this has happened. Do you know that because of you, i cried for half hour today, do you know that because of you it will be harder to see him, even for the meer two hours I will see him today. Why dont you think first? Why dont you realize? I feel like it is one mistake building on another into this gigantic pile, and soon enough, it will come crashing down. That is a warning.
Jul 8, 2008
Dream of Struggle
So one thing about me is that i rarely have dreams, and when I do dream, I wake up knowing I had a dream, but not remember what it was about. Well last night I had three dreams and remembered them all. And coincidently, each one was about something I am struggling with in my life right now.
Dream 1: The Wedding Dress
I believe the setting was some kind of church. It was my wedding day. I was marrying the guy of my dreams - of course - not mentioning names. So it started off in this big room with my grandmother and mother and I was wearing this ridiculous looking, red, chinese patterned, tight dress or robe; whatever those chinese outfits are called. I asked, "Why am I wearing this?" They told me that we all were so busy we didnt get me a wedding dress, so they figured this would make me stand out the most. (Ya stand out and look ridiculous) I was SOO upset! My wedding day and I didnt even have a wedding dress! Then I was warned I needed to be out there in 15 minutes. So i started panicking and saying how there must have been some kind of white dress around. So in this big room of the church, I opened my closet, no clue why it was there, and pulled out 5 nice summer dresses, all white. (I dont even own one white dress, but I had them) And while we were looking at them, one asked, do you have your vows ready with you. I responded, "My vows? I'm not sure if I wrote my vows!" So I then started saying my vows right there. They were pretty nice vows. Then I was warned that I needed to be out and ready now!! And I hadnt even changed yet. So I was freaking out...then my dream changed.
Dream 2: Feelings of disrespect
So I went to a friend of mines house. She led me and my good friend through her house, and when we walked out on her porch, it led to a HUGE backyard that was supposed to be part of her school's backyard, and everyone from her school was there. Then she said oh theres, we will call him Liam (an ex). And said oh I should warn you now, he has a really huge hickie on his neck from this girl (cant remember her name). Well, I was getting really upset cause of course he would do that when I was there, and started saying that obviously the relationship meant nothing to you, you said you never liked her then you go do this, how could you do this! I was so mad!! But I don't even have feelings for the guy.. it was pretty strange - Then my dream switched again.
Dream 3: That looks awful!
So me and my friends had just speant the whole day somewhere with this huge group. It was night time, and we were the last ones to get on the school bus. I ended up having to sit by my friends sister, who i hardly talk to. Well I looked away for like 10 seconds, and when I looked back, it was this girl that I worked with instead, who I dont like very much. And she just started putting lots of make-up on me...stopped for a second and asked.."is it ok that im doing this?'. I just said, "i guess so." so she continued, and when she was finished, it looked really nice, at least thats what myself and everyone in the dream thought, when really it looked awful. Then that dream ended....
Dreams of struggles? Dream 1 and 2. Different guys, both who have some kind of place in my heart. I kind of miss guy 2 from time to time, I just liked spending time with him, but thats not where my actual feelings lie, Guy 1, I like alot. He is absolutely amazing, not to mention such a man of God. And with dream 3, the struggle is that I am always fighting to not wear make-up. Be happy with who I am, not try to look like something/someone Im not. To Try and Be happy with how God made me :)
Dream 1: The Wedding Dress
I believe the setting was some kind of church. It was my wedding day. I was marrying the guy of my dreams - of course - not mentioning names. So it started off in this big room with my grandmother and mother and I was wearing this ridiculous looking, red, chinese patterned, tight dress or robe; whatever those chinese outfits are called. I asked, "Why am I wearing this?" They told me that we all were so busy we didnt get me a wedding dress, so they figured this would make me stand out the most. (Ya stand out and look ridiculous) I was SOO upset! My wedding day and I didnt even have a wedding dress! Then I was warned I needed to be out there in 15 minutes. So i started panicking and saying how there must have been some kind of white dress around. So in this big room of the church, I opened my closet, no clue why it was there, and pulled out 5 nice summer dresses, all white. (I dont even own one white dress, but I had them) And while we were looking at them, one asked, do you have your vows ready with you. I responded, "My vows? I'm not sure if I wrote my vows!" So I then started saying my vows right there. They were pretty nice vows. Then I was warned that I needed to be out and ready now!! And I hadnt even changed yet. So I was freaking out...then my dream changed.
Dream 2: Feelings of disrespect
So I went to a friend of mines house. She led me and my good friend through her house, and when we walked out on her porch, it led to a HUGE backyard that was supposed to be part of her school's backyard, and everyone from her school was there. Then she said oh theres, we will call him Liam (an ex). And said oh I should warn you now, he has a really huge hickie on his neck from this girl (cant remember her name). Well, I was getting really upset cause of course he would do that when I was there, and started saying that obviously the relationship meant nothing to you, you said you never liked her then you go do this, how could you do this! I was so mad!! But I don't even have feelings for the guy.. it was pretty strange - Then my dream switched again.
Dream 3: That looks awful!
So me and my friends had just speant the whole day somewhere with this huge group. It was night time, and we were the last ones to get on the school bus. I ended up having to sit by my friends sister, who i hardly talk to. Well I looked away for like 10 seconds, and when I looked back, it was this girl that I worked with instead, who I dont like very much. And she just started putting lots of make-up on me...stopped for a second and asked.."is it ok that im doing this?'. I just said, "i guess so." so she continued, and when she was finished, it looked really nice, at least thats what myself and everyone in the dream thought, when really it looked awful. Then that dream ended....
Dreams of struggles? Dream 1 and 2. Different guys, both who have some kind of place in my heart. I kind of miss guy 2 from time to time, I just liked spending time with him, but thats not where my actual feelings lie, Guy 1, I like alot. He is absolutely amazing, not to mention such a man of God. And with dream 3, the struggle is that I am always fighting to not wear make-up. Be happy with who I am, not try to look like something/someone Im not. To Try and Be happy with how God made me :)
Jul 6, 2008
A little feeling
I feel lonely, but theres people all around me
I want to cry, but no tears will come out
I want to scream, but have no one hear me
I can feel, but feel nothing at all, just numb inside.
I know He's there, yet it doesnt feel the same
Everythings going great, but doesn't feel as well
I want to draw closer, I want to draw near
But whats holding me back after all these years.
I've never felt this struggle
Its so different inside
The past just keeps haunting me
But from all of it, I just cant hide.
I want to cry, but no tears will come out
I want to scream, but have no one hear me
I can feel, but feel nothing at all, just numb inside.
I know He's there, yet it doesnt feel the same
Everythings going great, but doesn't feel as well
I want to draw closer, I want to draw near
But whats holding me back after all these years.
I've never felt this struggle
Its so different inside
The past just keeps haunting me
But from all of it, I just cant hide.
Jul 5, 2008
Better Than
I LOVE THIS SONG!
Better Than - John Butler
All you want is
What you can’t have
And if you just look around man
You see you got magic
So just sit back relax
Enjoy it while you still have it
Don’t look back on life man and only see tragic
Because you could be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better than
You can be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better
All the time while you’re looking away
There are things you can do man
There’s things you can say
To the the ones you’re with
With whom you’re spending your day
Get your gaze off tomorrow
And let come what may
Because you could be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better than
You can be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better
All I know is sometimes things can be hard
But you should know by now
They come and they go
So why, oh why
Do I look to the other side
'Cos I know the grass is greener but
Just as hard to mow
Life’s not about what’s better than.
All you want is
What you can’t have
And if you just look around man
You see you got magic
So just sit back relax
Enjoy it while you still have it
Don’t look back on life man and only see tragic
Because you could be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better than
You can be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than now
Life’s not about what’s better
Jul 4, 2008
Work-a-holic
Its Friday!! My only day off this week from work. Next week I work 6 of the 7 days of the week (a total of 45 hours). So maybe I can be put under the category "work-a-holic", but it's not like I do this every week, just once in awhile. Good money towards a new car...and a new x box, seeing as my current one keeps freezing up on me not even 5 minutes into playing; its been like 2 months since I have sat down to a decent game of online halo!
So what are my plans for my ONE day off you ask...pretty much nothing. I will do nothing around the house looking for a slight bit of entertainment until 5 Then I'll pick up my friends and have a great night.
So what are my plans for my ONE day off you ask...pretty much nothing. I will do nothing around the house looking for a slight bit of entertainment until 5 Then I'll pick up my friends and have a great night.
Jul 3, 2008
How about a start?
I never do anything like this, nor do I usually spend tons of time on the computer. I figure this can be a way to express myself, whether people read it or not. I dont know where this blog will go, but I guess I'll find out. It's going to be filled with opinions, sadness, hope, happiness...a typical teens day to day feeling, and I'll probably throw in some extra stuff too, depending on what I feel like doing with this.
So for starters, a little bit about me. I am 17, just graduated high school. Summer is here and for the summer I will be working full time in a restaurant, and just spending time with my friends and family. A big part of knowing me is knowing that I am a christian, I have a personal relationship with God. My relationship with God has always ended up being the most important thing in my life. Even though it may start as a struggle, I eventually try to put him first, before relationships, work and even my family. I have ended relationships that I know God didnt want me in, just currently actually. I have also put my family aside in order to retain a closer relationship with God. I moved out due to how disoriented my family was, and how they never put God first, they really brought me down spiritually and emotionally. I did what I needed to do. To some, it may seem senseless, but there is nothing more important than doing God's will. Doesn't mean I always do it, but I regret it when I dont. Where I am in my life has alot to do with my grandparents, they have been there for me more than I could ever explain to anyone.
For the past few years, I have had a friendship that started off close, and distanced back off. Recently, we have gotten really close again, and she is honestly the most amazing friend. She has strong morals and she follows them. She has been a great influence on me. I regret that I havn't been there for her as much as she has for me, but I am trying to make up for that.
Currently, my feelings for someone are being pulled. Knew him 11 years ago, we were the best of friends, always going to one another's houses, he even ended up being my first kiss, even though we were only like 5 or 6. We lost contact for about the 11 years, cause he stopped going to my school, but on November 7th, he coincidentally came into my work - with someone who recognized me. Ever since then, my feelings keep going back towards him. We talk on and off again because we are always both busy and we both sorta give up on one another thinking that the other one wasn't giving any effort. We have been talking recently, and it seems as though we both have feelings involved. He is an amazing christian - He seems to have such a heart for God. He is really nice - a great personality - and he is really cute. And ever since he was little, he has had the cutest dimples - I absolutely adore dimples on a guy - and big brown eyes - two things I've always remembered and loved about him. Im just trying to be patient, and see what God has in store for the future - whatver it may be, it will be the best, cause it is God's plan.
So for starters, a little bit about me. I am 17, just graduated high school. Summer is here and for the summer I will be working full time in a restaurant, and just spending time with my friends and family. A big part of knowing me is knowing that I am a christian, I have a personal relationship with God. My relationship with God has always ended up being the most important thing in my life. Even though it may start as a struggle, I eventually try to put him first, before relationships, work and even my family. I have ended relationships that I know God didnt want me in, just currently actually. I have also put my family aside in order to retain a closer relationship with God. I moved out due to how disoriented my family was, and how they never put God first, they really brought me down spiritually and emotionally. I did what I needed to do. To some, it may seem senseless, but there is nothing more important than doing God's will. Doesn't mean I always do it, but I regret it when I dont. Where I am in my life has alot to do with my grandparents, they have been there for me more than I could ever explain to anyone.
For the past few years, I have had a friendship that started off close, and distanced back off. Recently, we have gotten really close again, and she is honestly the most amazing friend. She has strong morals and she follows them. She has been a great influence on me. I regret that I havn't been there for her as much as she has for me, but I am trying to make up for that.
Currently, my feelings for someone are being pulled. Knew him 11 years ago, we were the best of friends, always going to one another's houses, he even ended up being my first kiss, even though we were only like 5 or 6. We lost contact for about the 11 years, cause he stopped going to my school, but on November 7th, he coincidentally came into my work - with someone who recognized me. Ever since then, my feelings keep going back towards him. We talk on and off again because we are always both busy and we both sorta give up on one another thinking that the other one wasn't giving any effort. We have been talking recently, and it seems as though we both have feelings involved. He is an amazing christian - He seems to have such a heart for God. He is really nice - a great personality - and he is really cute. And ever since he was little, he has had the cutest dimples - I absolutely adore dimples on a guy - and big brown eyes - two things I've always remembered and loved about him. Im just trying to be patient, and see what God has in store for the future - whatver it may be, it will be the best, cause it is God's plan.
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